I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
