chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Randomize
