My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
