we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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