Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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