Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
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