Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Randomize
