Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
