I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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