I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
