Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
you traded sex for a burrito?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
