dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
