she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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