remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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