Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
