I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize