i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Randomize
