Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
