the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
This is classic penis vs brain.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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