try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
