on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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