My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
