this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
