Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
