I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
