i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
