sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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