Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize