Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
