Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
