Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
