i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
