what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
