he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
you never un-have a 4some
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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