fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
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