Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
