What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
