The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
