Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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