I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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