all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Randomize
