his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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