I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Randomize
