Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
i think i have herpe
just one?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
