why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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