Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
