They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
