I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
