Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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