2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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