There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
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