You can't special order awesome
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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