What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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