btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
