Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Randomize
