I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
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