she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
