I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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