my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
