my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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