I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
