Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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