I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
