I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Randomize
