Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
