you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
