Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
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