I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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