Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize