I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
