christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
