You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
