You're my little dorito
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
