You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
