You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize