Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
